America’s Leadership Expert : Forces of Responsibility
Clay Staires: This is Clay Staires America’s Leadership Expert with Tulsa Business Leadership, and podcast number 33, Becoming the Ultimate You: Going Beyond Just Reaching Your Professional Goals and Stepping Into More, Stepping Into Fulfillment.
Again, as Clay Staires with Tulsa Leadership, I get the opportunity to speak with, and coach, and mentor multiple business owners and entrepreneurs across the country. And one of the things that I have found that is very common with these successful people, is that they have reached a measure of professional success, but they lack a fulfillment in their life. For whatever reason they have been focused on their professional success to the expense of other necessary areas in their life.
You may know exactly what I’m talking about. At Clay Staires America’s Leadership Expert Tulsa Business Leadership, one of our primary things is to help business owners and leaders not just reach professional success, but also, to find true fulfillment across each area of their life. I call it the F5 life, and at Tulsa Business Leadership, we get to align our business leaders, and begin to coach and mentor them into this F5 life. These five Fs are friends, family, faith, finances, and fitness. It’s being able to find success and achievement and fulfillment in all of these areas at the same time.
So, again, we’ve used this idea in other podcasts, but if you get this picture in your mind with concentric circles. We’ll start with two circles. The inner most circle is you, and then beyond that circle is very possibly your marriage, and then the next circle is your family, and then the next circle would be finances and your job, and then so on as you move out to other circles. But if you in the center are not fulfilled, over time the weight of everything else will begin to crush you, because the you that is in the center, is not experiencing the fulfillment that you want. At Clay Staires America’s Leadership Expert Tulsa Business Leadership, this is consistently an issue that we work with and help coach and mentor leaders through.
The inner force pushing out against all of these outer forces of responsibility, if you don’t have that inner force, that inner fulfillment, that inner identity, fulfillment of identity, then what will happen is the force from the outside that are pushing in, the responsibilities that you feel are overwhelming and too much weight on your shoulders, they will begin to crush you. You have to equalize that force, there has to be an equal force that is pushing out from this inner circle of you. This inner force that is pushing out that comes from a personal identity that is walking in daily fulfillment. Denying yourself, it sounds so noble, in fact it’s even found in the Bible. And here in Oklahoma, we find that many people talk about, “Oh yeah, we got to deny the self.” And I get that, that makes sense.
But at issue here is the motivation behind your denying. Do you deny out of destiny? Or do you deny out of capacity? At Tulsa Business Leadership, we ask questions to our leaders. Are you denying yourself out of confidence? Or are you denying yourself out of low self-esteem? That business owner that fills the shifts when 16 year olds can’t make it into work. Are you fulfilling that out of destiny? Or are you filling that out of capacity? Are you denying yourself, and denying your own goals in your life out of confidence, because you know that you are moving forward? Or are you denying yourself out of a low self-esteem? Feeling like if someone’s going to do it, it’s got to be you, you’re the only one. This sense of isolation.
Again, I understand the concept of denying yourself and sacrificing for the company to get it built. But if sacrifice is all you do, and if sacrifice is coming out of a sense of not having anybody else, then you will find that this type of sacrifice will begin to drain you. And the overwhelming pressure from other activities that are going on will simply crush you more and more. If you’re not careful, you will deny yourself until there is no self identity left. You in the center, will simply disappear in the shadows of your responsibilities and your relationships. This is not the plan, I promise you.
At Clay Staires Tulsa Business Leadership, we help leaders deny themselves, deny that selfness and in a healthy way. We help them deny your selfishness, not deny your identity. Because it’s identity that allows you to create boundaries. This is who I am, and that is who I am not. You can not treat me like that, because that is not who I am. If there is no identity, or if there is limited identity in this center circle, then you will find that you will have limited boundaries, and you become whatever the expectation has forced you to be.
At Clay Staires America’s Leadership Expert Tulsa Business Leadership, it’s reaching these professional goals that is really nice for leaders, but we want to help them move on, move beyond that to where you begin to reach your personal goals is where the full fulfillment in your life. Because reaching professional goals is great, but that is just part of your identity, it’s not all of it. You are not done when you meet your financial goals, or your position goals. There is more.
And as the leader of Tulsa Business Leadership, I get to spend my time with leaders encouraging them, and helping them discover what this inner circle called you is all about. Helping them discover their identity. So many entrepreneurs, so many business owners, so many leaders will find their identity in their work. They will find their identity in their company that they have started. And if their company does well, then they are doing good. If their company isn’t doing well, then they’re not doing well. How they are doing in their life is a direct reflection of how their company is doing.
And again, I get that, but there is so much more to you than just your leadership position. There is so much more to you than just your responsibilities. You have not been put here on earth just to fulfill a whole bunch of responsibilities. You have been put here on earth to fulfill responsibilities that lead you into the fulfillment of your purpose and your design. And it is when you are involved, and embracing those responsibilities and those activities out of a strong sense of self and a strong sense of purpose, that you will begin to experience living a life of fulfillment, even in the midst of struggle, living a life of fulfillment, even in the midst of difficulty. Because you know you are on a path towards your purpose and your destiny. As opposed to not finding meaning in all of the activity.
If you are not finding meaning in all of the activity, this is a great sign. It’s wonderful evidence to let you know that there is a limited amount of identity that you have, that inner circle of you that is surrounded by all the responsibilities is not strong enough. The capacity is not great enough to withstand all of the responsibilities.
So, this is Clay Staires America’s Leadership Expert at Tulsa Business Leadership with podcast number 33, Becoming the Ultimate You: Going Beyond Just Reaching Your Professional Goals and Stepping Into More.